It was a good example (retrospectively, of course) of how easily things come together when one is moving in the direction of God's will. It has taken many years to truly learn that when everything seems difficult and feels as though you are swimming upstream, it is usually because you are not following the direction of God's will. When you are doing God's will, everything seems to happen without much effort or many obstacles.
The only scriptures she was able to focus on in the hospital:
First--"Rejoice always." 1 Thess 5:15
Later in the day--"Pray without ceasing." 1 Thess 5:17
Finally--"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God's in Christ Jesus for you" 1 Thess 5:18
Even the most terrible circumstances and events can stimulate great change in individuals and/or societies. Without observing cruelty, we would not be moved to compassion. Without personal trials, we would not develop patience or faithfulness. It is the recognition that our earthly concerns matter little when compared to life eternal that allows us to know joy in the midst of sorrow and worry. Have you ever really changed or experienced personal growth during times of comfort or complacency? The acceptance that change rarely comes without difficulty and challenge can truly free a person to "rejoice always." It also allows us to live daily with a grateful heart and "give thanks in all circumstances." No matter what the circumstances, we can be grateful that God fulfills His promises, that our faith is sufficient to sustain us, and that our eternal life is assured.
The stories of almost everyone who has spoken with me began with some sort of traumatic situation. This is fairly predictable, and it is unfortunate that we rarely have such intense spiritual connections except under conditions of dire stress. I believe that anyone can have the same connections and experiences that I have had, but I think we are too distracted by the world around us when we are under "normal" circumstances. When we are in dire circumstances, these distractions quickly fall away and we are able to discern that which is most important: our relationship with God.
Ultimately they must not only find God, but must freely choose to accept God's love and direction. God gave humans this ability to choose freely, which makes us ultimately responsible for our choices, our actions, and our lives.
People ask why so many miracles occurred in ancient days but not in our present time. I contend that there are just as many miracles occurring today, in the lives of ordinary people. But I also assert that most of us don't look for miracles, don't recognize them for what they really are, and don't really believe them to be of divine origin even if their miraculous nature is noticed.
My life's experiences would argue against the concepts of coincidence and luck It would support the belief that there is only the guiding presence and plan of God, who uses His assortment of angels and messengers to lead us and communicate with us.
King Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes that "people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end" and I would heartily agree. We live our lives in forward motion, but only understand them when looking backward. I would therefore challenge you to keep a six to twelve month journal of coincidence. In that journal write down the details of every "coincidence" you experience. In one column, write the details of each major event in your life...What are/were the circumstances surrounding your acceptance into college, meeting your significant other, finding your job, choosing where you live, and so on. Note every time the arrangements easily fall into place. Similarly, every time you struggle with a situation write down the eventual outcome. Write down the "bad" things that happen to you or others and, in an adjacent column, list what happens as a direct or indirect result of these bad things. I believe that when you look back through your journal at the end of your exercise, you will clearly see how many of people, events, decisions, and outcomes are interconnected. I think you will see a pattern of linkage that cannot be attributed to statistical chance. You will see evidence of God's work in your life, giving assurance that God has a plan for your life. you will begin to recognize coincidental events for the miracles they really are, and you will know that God is with you even in times of sorrow, loneliness, or other misfortune.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
How Will You Measure Your Life?
For those of my classmates who inadvertently invested in lives of hollow unhappiness, I can't help but believe that their troubles stemmed from incorrectly allocating resources. To a person, they were well-intended...intending to build a satisfying personal life alongside their professional life, making choices specifically to provide a better life for their family, they unwittingly overlook their spouse and children. Investing time and energy in these relationships doesn't offer them that same immeiate sense of achievement that a fast track career does. You can neglect your relationship with your spouse, and on a day-to-day basis it doesn't seem as if things are deteriorating. Your spouse is still there when you get home every night... In fact, you'll often see the same sobering pattern when looking at the personal lives of many ambitious people. Though they may believe that their family is deeply important to them, they actually allocate fewer and fewer resources to the things they would say matter most...
It's rarely easy. Even when you know what your true priorities are, you'll have to fight to uphold them in your own mind every day. For example, like many of you, I suspect, I'm naturally drawn to interesting problems and challenges. I can lose myself in one for hours...but I know that spending my time this way is not consistent with my priorities. I've had to force myself to stay aligned with what matters most to me by setting hard stops, barriers, and boundaries in my life--such as leaving the office at six every day so that there is daylight time to play catch with my son..I have to be clear with myself that the long-term payoff of investing my resources in thie sphere of my life will be far more profound.
...there is no one-size-fits-all approach that anyone can offer you. The hot water that softens a carrot will harden an egg. As a parent, you will try many things with your child that simply won't work. When this happens, it can be very easy to view it as a failure. Don't. If anything, it's the opposite... Instead, you have just learend what does not work. You now know to try something else.
Intimate, loving, and enduring relationships with our family and close friends will be amont the sources of the deepest joy in our lives. They are worth fighting for.
The relationships you have with family and close friends are going to be the most important sources of happiness in your life. but you have to be careful. When it seems like everything at home is going well, you will be lulled into believing that you can put your investments in these relationships onto the back burner. That would be an enormous mistake . By the time serious problems arise in those relationships, it often is too late to repair them. This means, almost paradoxically, that the time when it is most important to invest in building strong families and close friendships is when it appears, at the surface, as if it's not necessary.
Each of us can point to one or two friendships we've unintentionally neglected when life got busy. You might be hoping that the bonds of your friendship are strong enough to endure such neglect, but that's seldom the case. Even the most committed friends will attempt to stay the course for only so long before they choose to invest their own time, energy, and friendship somewhere else.
I genuinely believe that relationships with family and close friends are one of the greatest sources of happiness in life. It sounds simple, but like any important investment, these relationships need consistent attention and care. But there are two forces that will be constantly working against this happening First, you'll be routinely tempted to invest your resources elsewhere--in things that will provide you with a more immediate payoff. And second, your family and friends rarely shout the loudest to demand your attention. They love you and they want to support your [career] too. That can add up to neglecting the people you care about most in the world. If you don't nurture and develop those relationships, they won't be there to support you if you find yourself traversing some of the more challenging stretches of life, or as one of the most important sources of happiness in your life.
"Treat people as if they were what they outhg to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being."--Goethe
It's rarely easy. Even when you know what your true priorities are, you'll have to fight to uphold them in your own mind every day. For example, like many of you, I suspect, I'm naturally drawn to interesting problems and challenges. I can lose myself in one for hours...but I know that spending my time this way is not consistent with my priorities. I've had to force myself to stay aligned with what matters most to me by setting hard stops, barriers, and boundaries in my life--such as leaving the office at six every day so that there is daylight time to play catch with my son..I have to be clear with myself that the long-term payoff of investing my resources in thie sphere of my life will be far more profound.
...there is no one-size-fits-all approach that anyone can offer you. The hot water that softens a carrot will harden an egg. As a parent, you will try many things with your child that simply won't work. When this happens, it can be very easy to view it as a failure. Don't. If anything, it's the opposite... Instead, you have just learend what does not work. You now know to try something else.
Intimate, loving, and enduring relationships with our family and close friends will be amont the sources of the deepest joy in our lives. They are worth fighting for.
The relationships you have with family and close friends are going to be the most important sources of happiness in your life. but you have to be careful. When it seems like everything at home is going well, you will be lulled into believing that you can put your investments in these relationships onto the back burner. That would be an enormous mistake . By the time serious problems arise in those relationships, it often is too late to repair them. This means, almost paradoxically, that the time when it is most important to invest in building strong families and close friendships is when it appears, at the surface, as if it's not necessary.
Each of us can point to one or two friendships we've unintentionally neglected when life got busy. You might be hoping that the bonds of your friendship are strong enough to endure such neglect, but that's seldom the case. Even the most committed friends will attempt to stay the course for only so long before they choose to invest their own time, energy, and friendship somewhere else.
I genuinely believe that relationships with family and close friends are one of the greatest sources of happiness in life. It sounds simple, but like any important investment, these relationships need consistent attention and care. But there are two forces that will be constantly working against this happening First, you'll be routinely tempted to invest your resources elsewhere--in things that will provide you with a more immediate payoff. And second, your family and friends rarely shout the loudest to demand your attention. They love you and they want to support your [career] too. That can add up to neglecting the people you care about most in the world. If you don't nurture and develop those relationships, they won't be there to support you if you find yourself traversing some of the more challenging stretches of life, or as one of the most important sources of happiness in your life.
"Treat people as if they were what they outhg to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being."--Goethe
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
My Stroke of Insight--Jill Bolte Taylor
Via our left hemisphere language centers, our mind speaks to us constantly, a phenomenon I refer to as "brain chatter." It is that voice reminding you to pick up bananas on your way home and that calculating intelligence that knows when you have to do your laundry. There is vast individual variation in the speed at which our minds function. For some, our dialogue of brain chatter runs so fast that we can barely keep up with what we are thinking. Others of us think in language so slowly that it takes a long time for us to comprehend. Still others of us have a problem retaining our focus and concentration long enough to act on our thoughts. These variations in normal processing stem back to our brain cells and how each brain is intrinsically wired.
One of the jobs of our left hemisphere language centers is to define our self by saying "I am." Through the use of brain chatter, your brain repeats over and over again the details of your life so you can remember them. It is the home of your ego center, which provides you with an internal awareness of what your name is, what your credentials are, and where you live. Without these cells performing their job, you would forget who you are and lose track of your life and your identity.
Along with thinking in language, our left hemisphere thinks in patterned responses to incoming stimulation. It establishes neurological circuits that run relatively automatically to sensory information. These circuits allow us to process large volumes of information without having to spend much time focusing on the individual bits of data. From a neurological standpoint, every time a circuit of neurons is stimulated, it takes less external stimulation for that particular circuit to run. As a result of this type of reverberating circuitry, our left hemisphere creates what I call "loops of thought patterns" that it uses to rapidly interpret large volumes of incoming stimulation with minimal attention and calculation.
Because our left brain is filed with these ingrained programs of pattern recognition, it is superb at predicint what we will think, how we will act, or what we will feel in the future--based upon our past experience. I, personally, love the color red and am inclined to collect a bunch of red things-- I drive a red car and wear red clothes. I like red because there's a circuit in my brain that gets very excited and runs relatively automatically when anything red comes my way. From a purely neurological perspective, I like red because the cells in my left brain tell me I like red.
Among other things, our left hemisphere categorizes information into hierarchies including things that attract us (or likes) or repel us (our dislikes). It places the judgment of good on those things we like and bad on those things we dislike. Through the action of critical judgment and analysis, our left brain constantly compres us with everyone else. It keeps us abreast of where we stand on a financial scale, academic scale, honesty scale, generosity-of-spirit scale, and every other scale you can imagine...
When we evaluate the unique characteristics of the two cerebral hemispheres and how they process information differently, it seems obvious that they would manifest unique value systems that would consequently result in very different personalities. Some of us have nurtured both of our characters and are really good at utilizing the skills and personalities of both sides of our brain, allowing them to support, influence, and temper one another as we live our lives. Others of us, however, are quite unilateral in our thinking--either exhibiting extremely rigid thinking patterns that are analytically critical (extreme left brain), or we seldom connect to a common reality and spend most of our time "with our head in the clouds" (extreme right brain). Creating a healthy balance between our two characters enables us the ability to remain cognitively flexible enough to welcome change (right hemisphers), and yet remain concrete enough to stay a path (left hemisphere). Learning to value and utilize all of our cognitive gifts opens our lives up to the masterpiece of life we truly are. Imagine the compassionate world we could create if we set our minds to it.
Sadly, the expression of compassion is often a rarity in our society. Many of us spend an inordinate amount of time and energy degrading, insulting, and criticizing ourselves (and others) for having made a "wrong" or "bad" decision. When you berate yourself, have you ever questioned: who inside of you is doing the yelling, and at whom are you yelling? Have you ever noticed how these negative internal thought patterns have the tendency to generate increased levels of inner hostility and/or raised levels of anxiety? And to complicated matters even more, have you noticed how negative internal dialogue can negatively influence how you treat others and, thus, what you attract?
As biological creatures, we are profoundly powerful people. Because our neural networks are made up of neurons communicating with other neurons in circuits, their behavior becomes quite predictable. The more conscious attention we pay to any particular circuit, or the more time we spend thinking specific thoughts, the more impetus those circuits or thought patterns have to run again with minimal external stimulation.
In addition, our minds are highly sophisticated "seek and ye shall find" instruments. We are designed to focus in on whatever we are looking for. If I seek red in the world then I will find it everywhere. Perhaps just a little in the beginnig, but the longer I stay focused on looking for red, then before you know it, I will see red everywhere.
My two hemispheric personalities not only think about things differently, but they process emotions and carry my body in easily distinguishable ways...My right hemisphere is all about right here, right now. It bounches around with unbridled enthusiasm and does not have a care in the world. It smiles a lot and is extremely friendly. In contrast, my left hemisphere is preoccupied with details and runs my life on a tight schedule. It is my more serious side. It clenches my jaw and makes decisions based upon what it learned in the past. It defines boundaries and judges everything as right/wrong or good/bad.
My right mind is all about the richness of this present moment. It is filled with gratitude for my life and everyone and everything in it. It is content, compassionate, nurturing, and eternally optimistic. To my right mind character, there is no judgment of good/bad or right/wrong, so everything exists on a continuum of relativity. It takes things as they are and acknowledges what is in the present.
One of the most prominent characteristics of our left brain is its ability to weave stories. This story-teller portion of our left mind's language center is specifically designed to make sense of the world outside of us, based upon minimal amounts of information. It functions by taking whatever details it has to work with, and then weaves them together in the form of a story. Most impressively, our left brain is brilliant in its ability to make stuff up, and fill in the blanks when there are gaps in its factual data. In addition, during its process of generating a story line, our left mind is quite the genius in its ability to manufacture alternative scenarios. And if it's a subject you really feel passionate about, either good or awful, it's particularly effective at hooking into those circuits of emotion and exhausting all the "what if" possibilities.
As my left brain language centers recovered and became functional again, I spent a lot of time observing how my story-teller would draw conclusions based upon minimal information. For the longest time I found the antics of my story-teller to be rather comical. At least until I realized that my left mind full-heartedly expected the rest of my brain to believe the stories it was making up! Throughout this resurrection of my left mind's character and skills, it has been extremely important that I retain the understanding that my left brain is doing the best job it can with the information it has to work with. I need to remember, however, that there are enormous gaps between what I know and what I think I know. I learned that I need to be very wary of my story-teller's potential for stirring up drama and trauma.
In the same vein, as muy left brain enthusiastically manufactured stories that it promoted as teh truth, it had a tendency to be redundant--manifesting loops of thought patterns that reverberated through my mind, over and over again. For many of us, those loops of thought run rampant and we find ourselves habitually imagining devestating possibilities. Unfortunately, as a society, we do not teach our children that they need to tend carefully the garden of their minds. Without structure, censorship, or discipline, our thoughts run rampant on automatic. Because we have not learned how to more carefully manage what goes on inside our brains, we remain vulnerable to not only what other people think about us, but also to advertising and /or political manipulation.
During the process of recovery, I found that they portion of my character that was stubborn, arrogant, sarcastic, and/or jealous resided within the ego center of that wounded left brain. This portion of my ego mind held the capacity for me to be a sore loser, hold a grudge, tell lies, and even seek revenge. Reawakening those personality traits was very disturbing to the newly found innocence of my right mind. With lots of effort, I have consciously chosen to recover my left mind's ego center without giveing renewed life to some of those old circuits.
Everyone's brain is different but let me share with you some of the simple things I have found to be true for mine. It seems that the more aware I am about how I am influencing the energies around me, the more say I have in what comes my way. To monitor how things are going in my life, I pay very close attention to how things are flowing, or not flowing in the world around me. Depending on what I am attracting, I take responsibility for how things are going and consciously make adjustments along the way. This does not mean that I am in complete control of how I choose to think and feel about those things. Even negative events can be perceived as valuable life lessons, if I am willing to setp to the right and experience the situation with compassion.
Now that my left mind's language centers and storyteller are back to functioning normally, I find my mind not only spins a wild tale but has a tendency to hook into negative patterns of thought. I have found that the first step to getting out of these reverberating loops of negative thought or emotion is to recognize when I am hooked into these loops....Learning to listen to your brain from the position of a nonjudgmental witness may take some practice and patience, but once you master this awareness, you become free to step beyond the worrisome drama and trauma of your story-teller...
When my brain runs loops that feel harshly judgmental, counter-productive, or out of control, I wait 90 seconds for the emotional/physiological response to dissipate and then I speak to my brain as though it is a group of children. I say with sincerity, "I appreciate your ability to think thoughts and feel emotions, but I am really not interested in thinking these thoughts or feeling these emotions anymore. Please stop bringing this stuff up." Essentially, I am consciously asking my brain to stop hooking into specific thought patterns.
I whole-heartedly believe that 99.999% of the cells in my brain and body want me to be happy, healthy, and successful. A tiny portion of the story-teller, however, does not seem to be unconditionally attached to my joy, and is excellent at exploring thought patterns that have the potential to really derail my feeling of inner peace...These are the cells in our verbal mind that are totally resourceful in their ability to run our loops of doom and gloom. These cells tap into our negative attributes of jealousy, fear, and rage....My cells get the message that I am serious about not hooking into those negative loops of thought, but only if I am persistent and determined enough to pay attention to what circuits are running in my brain...
Recovering my left mind has meant that I have had to give voice to all of my cells again. However, I have learned that in order to protect my overall mental health, it is necessary for me to tend the garden of my mind and keep these cells in check. I have found that my story-teller simply needs a little disciplining directive from my conscious mind about what I want versus what I find unacceptable...I have found that just like little children, these cells may challenge the authority of my authentic voice and test my conviction. Once asked to be silent, they tend to pause for a moment and then immediately reengage those forbidden loops. If I am not persistent with my desire to think about other things, and consciously initiate new circuits of thought, then those uninvited loops can generate new strength and begin monopolizing my mind again. To counter their activities, I keep a handy list of three things available for me to turn my consciousness toward when I am in a state of need: 1) I remember something I find fascinating that I would like to ponder more deeply, 2) I think about something that brings me terrific joy, or 3) I think about something I would like to do. When I am desperate to change my mind, I use such tools. I have also found that when I am lease expecting it--feeling either physically tired or emotionally vulnerable--those negative circuits have a tendency to raise their hurtful heads...If I want to retain my inner peace, I must be willing to consistently and persistently tend the garden of my mind moment by moment, and be willing to make the decision a thousand times a day. p 150-154
Our patterns of though are grounded in rich multidimensional circuitry that we can learn to scrutinize. First, each though pattern has a subject--something that I am cognitively thinking about...Second, each thought pattern may or may not be accompanied by an adjoining emotional circuit of which I am cognizant. Finally, these specific circuits of thought and emotion may also be linked with some of my more complex physiological circuitry, which upon stimulation would result in predictable behavior.
Finding the balance between observing our circuitry and engaging with our circuitry is essential for our healing. Although I celebrate my brain's ability to experience all of my emotions, I am cautious about how long I remain hooked into running any particular loop. The healthiest way I know how to move through an emotion effectively is to surrender completely to that emotion when its loop of physiology comes over me. I simply resign to the loop and let it run it's course for 90 seconds. Just like children, emotions heal when they are heard and validates. Over time, the intensity and frequency of these circuits usually abate. p155-156 [She has previously explained it takes less than 90 seconds for an emotional program to be triggered, surge through the body, and then be flushed out of our blood stream. At this point the chemical component has dissipated from the blood and the automatic response is over. If we remain angry at that point it's because we choose to let that circuit continue to run. p.147]
This stroke of insight has given me the priceless gift of knowing that deep inner peace is just a thought/feeling away. To experience peace does not mean that your life is always blissful. It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of a hectic life....
Based upon my experience with losing my left mind, I whole-heartedly believe that the feeling of deep inner peace is neurological circuitry located in our right brain . This circuitry is constantly running and is always available for us to hook into. The feeling of peace is something that happens in the present moment. It's not something that we bring with us from the past or project into the future. Step one to experiencing inner peace is the willingness to be present in the right here, right now. p. 159
One of the jobs of our left hemisphere language centers is to define our self by saying "I am." Through the use of brain chatter, your brain repeats over and over again the details of your life so you can remember them. It is the home of your ego center, which provides you with an internal awareness of what your name is, what your credentials are, and where you live. Without these cells performing their job, you would forget who you are and lose track of your life and your identity.
Along with thinking in language, our left hemisphere thinks in patterned responses to incoming stimulation. It establishes neurological circuits that run relatively automatically to sensory information. These circuits allow us to process large volumes of information without having to spend much time focusing on the individual bits of data. From a neurological standpoint, every time a circuit of neurons is stimulated, it takes less external stimulation for that particular circuit to run. As a result of this type of reverberating circuitry, our left hemisphere creates what I call "loops of thought patterns" that it uses to rapidly interpret large volumes of incoming stimulation with minimal attention and calculation.
Because our left brain is filed with these ingrained programs of pattern recognition, it is superb at predicint what we will think, how we will act, or what we will feel in the future--based upon our past experience. I, personally, love the color red and am inclined to collect a bunch of red things-- I drive a red car and wear red clothes. I like red because there's a circuit in my brain that gets very excited and runs relatively automatically when anything red comes my way. From a purely neurological perspective, I like red because the cells in my left brain tell me I like red.
Among other things, our left hemisphere categorizes information into hierarchies including things that attract us (or likes) or repel us (our dislikes). It places the judgment of good on those things we like and bad on those things we dislike. Through the action of critical judgment and analysis, our left brain constantly compres us with everyone else. It keeps us abreast of where we stand on a financial scale, academic scale, honesty scale, generosity-of-spirit scale, and every other scale you can imagine...
When we evaluate the unique characteristics of the two cerebral hemispheres and how they process information differently, it seems obvious that they would manifest unique value systems that would consequently result in very different personalities. Some of us have nurtured both of our characters and are really good at utilizing the skills and personalities of both sides of our brain, allowing them to support, influence, and temper one another as we live our lives. Others of us, however, are quite unilateral in our thinking--either exhibiting extremely rigid thinking patterns that are analytically critical (extreme left brain), or we seldom connect to a common reality and spend most of our time "with our head in the clouds" (extreme right brain). Creating a healthy balance between our two characters enables us the ability to remain cognitively flexible enough to welcome change (right hemisphers), and yet remain concrete enough to stay a path (left hemisphere). Learning to value and utilize all of our cognitive gifts opens our lives up to the masterpiece of life we truly are. Imagine the compassionate world we could create if we set our minds to it.
Sadly, the expression of compassion is often a rarity in our society. Many of us spend an inordinate amount of time and energy degrading, insulting, and criticizing ourselves (and others) for having made a "wrong" or "bad" decision. When you berate yourself, have you ever questioned: who inside of you is doing the yelling, and at whom are you yelling? Have you ever noticed how these negative internal thought patterns have the tendency to generate increased levels of inner hostility and/or raised levels of anxiety? And to complicated matters even more, have you noticed how negative internal dialogue can negatively influence how you treat others and, thus, what you attract?
As biological creatures, we are profoundly powerful people. Because our neural networks are made up of neurons communicating with other neurons in circuits, their behavior becomes quite predictable. The more conscious attention we pay to any particular circuit, or the more time we spend thinking specific thoughts, the more impetus those circuits or thought patterns have to run again with minimal external stimulation.
In addition, our minds are highly sophisticated "seek and ye shall find" instruments. We are designed to focus in on whatever we are looking for. If I seek red in the world then I will find it everywhere. Perhaps just a little in the beginnig, but the longer I stay focused on looking for red, then before you know it, I will see red everywhere.
My two hemispheric personalities not only think about things differently, but they process emotions and carry my body in easily distinguishable ways...My right hemisphere is all about right here, right now. It bounches around with unbridled enthusiasm and does not have a care in the world. It smiles a lot and is extremely friendly. In contrast, my left hemisphere is preoccupied with details and runs my life on a tight schedule. It is my more serious side. It clenches my jaw and makes decisions based upon what it learned in the past. It defines boundaries and judges everything as right/wrong or good/bad.
My right mind is all about the richness of this present moment. It is filled with gratitude for my life and everyone and everything in it. It is content, compassionate, nurturing, and eternally optimistic. To my right mind character, there is no judgment of good/bad or right/wrong, so everything exists on a continuum of relativity. It takes things as they are and acknowledges what is in the present.
One of the most prominent characteristics of our left brain is its ability to weave stories. This story-teller portion of our left mind's language center is specifically designed to make sense of the world outside of us, based upon minimal amounts of information. It functions by taking whatever details it has to work with, and then weaves them together in the form of a story. Most impressively, our left brain is brilliant in its ability to make stuff up, and fill in the blanks when there are gaps in its factual data. In addition, during its process of generating a story line, our left mind is quite the genius in its ability to manufacture alternative scenarios. And if it's a subject you really feel passionate about, either good or awful, it's particularly effective at hooking into those circuits of emotion and exhausting all the "what if" possibilities.
As my left brain language centers recovered and became functional again, I spent a lot of time observing how my story-teller would draw conclusions based upon minimal information. For the longest time I found the antics of my story-teller to be rather comical. At least until I realized that my left mind full-heartedly expected the rest of my brain to believe the stories it was making up! Throughout this resurrection of my left mind's character and skills, it has been extremely important that I retain the understanding that my left brain is doing the best job it can with the information it has to work with. I need to remember, however, that there are enormous gaps between what I know and what I think I know. I learned that I need to be very wary of my story-teller's potential for stirring up drama and trauma.
In the same vein, as muy left brain enthusiastically manufactured stories that it promoted as teh truth, it had a tendency to be redundant--manifesting loops of thought patterns that reverberated through my mind, over and over again. For many of us, those loops of thought run rampant and we find ourselves habitually imagining devestating possibilities. Unfortunately, as a society, we do not teach our children that they need to tend carefully the garden of their minds. Without structure, censorship, or discipline, our thoughts run rampant on automatic. Because we have not learned how to more carefully manage what goes on inside our brains, we remain vulnerable to not only what other people think about us, but also to advertising and /or political manipulation.
During the process of recovery, I found that they portion of my character that was stubborn, arrogant, sarcastic, and/or jealous resided within the ego center of that wounded left brain. This portion of my ego mind held the capacity for me to be a sore loser, hold a grudge, tell lies, and even seek revenge. Reawakening those personality traits was very disturbing to the newly found innocence of my right mind. With lots of effort, I have consciously chosen to recover my left mind's ego center without giveing renewed life to some of those old circuits.
Everyone's brain is different but let me share with you some of the simple things I have found to be true for mine. It seems that the more aware I am about how I am influencing the energies around me, the more say I have in what comes my way. To monitor how things are going in my life, I pay very close attention to how things are flowing, or not flowing in the world around me. Depending on what I am attracting, I take responsibility for how things are going and consciously make adjustments along the way. This does not mean that I am in complete control of how I choose to think and feel about those things. Even negative events can be perceived as valuable life lessons, if I am willing to setp to the right and experience the situation with compassion.
Now that my left mind's language centers and storyteller are back to functioning normally, I find my mind not only spins a wild tale but has a tendency to hook into negative patterns of thought. I have found that the first step to getting out of these reverberating loops of negative thought or emotion is to recognize when I am hooked into these loops....Learning to listen to your brain from the position of a nonjudgmental witness may take some practice and patience, but once you master this awareness, you become free to step beyond the worrisome drama and trauma of your story-teller...
When my brain runs loops that feel harshly judgmental, counter-productive, or out of control, I wait 90 seconds for the emotional/physiological response to dissipate and then I speak to my brain as though it is a group of children. I say with sincerity, "I appreciate your ability to think thoughts and feel emotions, but I am really not interested in thinking these thoughts or feeling these emotions anymore. Please stop bringing this stuff up." Essentially, I am consciously asking my brain to stop hooking into specific thought patterns.
I whole-heartedly believe that 99.999% of the cells in my brain and body want me to be happy, healthy, and successful. A tiny portion of the story-teller, however, does not seem to be unconditionally attached to my joy, and is excellent at exploring thought patterns that have the potential to really derail my feeling of inner peace...These are the cells in our verbal mind that are totally resourceful in their ability to run our loops of doom and gloom. These cells tap into our negative attributes of jealousy, fear, and rage....My cells get the message that I am serious about not hooking into those negative loops of thought, but only if I am persistent and determined enough to pay attention to what circuits are running in my brain...
Recovering my left mind has meant that I have had to give voice to all of my cells again. However, I have learned that in order to protect my overall mental health, it is necessary for me to tend the garden of my mind and keep these cells in check. I have found that my story-teller simply needs a little disciplining directive from my conscious mind about what I want versus what I find unacceptable...I have found that just like little children, these cells may challenge the authority of my authentic voice and test my conviction. Once asked to be silent, they tend to pause for a moment and then immediately reengage those forbidden loops. If I am not persistent with my desire to think about other things, and consciously initiate new circuits of thought, then those uninvited loops can generate new strength and begin monopolizing my mind again. To counter their activities, I keep a handy list of three things available for me to turn my consciousness toward when I am in a state of need: 1) I remember something I find fascinating that I would like to ponder more deeply, 2) I think about something that brings me terrific joy, or 3) I think about something I would like to do. When I am desperate to change my mind, I use such tools. I have also found that when I am lease expecting it--feeling either physically tired or emotionally vulnerable--those negative circuits have a tendency to raise their hurtful heads...If I want to retain my inner peace, I must be willing to consistently and persistently tend the garden of my mind moment by moment, and be willing to make the decision a thousand times a day. p 150-154
Our patterns of though are grounded in rich multidimensional circuitry that we can learn to scrutinize. First, each though pattern has a subject--something that I am cognitively thinking about...Second, each thought pattern may or may not be accompanied by an adjoining emotional circuit of which I am cognizant. Finally, these specific circuits of thought and emotion may also be linked with some of my more complex physiological circuitry, which upon stimulation would result in predictable behavior.
Finding the balance between observing our circuitry and engaging with our circuitry is essential for our healing. Although I celebrate my brain's ability to experience all of my emotions, I am cautious about how long I remain hooked into running any particular loop. The healthiest way I know how to move through an emotion effectively is to surrender completely to that emotion when its loop of physiology comes over me. I simply resign to the loop and let it run it's course for 90 seconds. Just like children, emotions heal when they are heard and validates. Over time, the intensity and frequency of these circuits usually abate. p155-156 [She has previously explained it takes less than 90 seconds for an emotional program to be triggered, surge through the body, and then be flushed out of our blood stream. At this point the chemical component has dissipated from the blood and the automatic response is over. If we remain angry at that point it's because we choose to let that circuit continue to run. p.147]
This stroke of insight has given me the priceless gift of knowing that deep inner peace is just a thought/feeling away. To experience peace does not mean that your life is always blissful. It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of a hectic life....
Based upon my experience with losing my left mind, I whole-heartedly believe that the feeling of deep inner peace is neurological circuitry located in our right brain . This circuitry is constantly running and is always available for us to hook into. The feeling of peace is something that happens in the present moment. It's not something that we bring with us from the past or project into the future. Step one to experiencing inner peace is the willingness to be present in the right here, right now. p. 159
Friday, September 7, 2012
All That is Bitter & Sweet-- Ashley Judd
He [Archbishop Desmond Tutu] talked about spiritual maturation and how sometimes during our growth we have dry periods, or rather spells that feel dry, because we have moved beyond the need for that blissful flood of grace that encouraged and informed us at the beginning of our journey. I instantly apprehended what he was telling me--I had always been so grateful for th egrace I could summon and feel growing in my heart when I meditated. But now I saw that those instruments had served to confine and reassure my thoughts until I was mature enough for something more subtle--when I could sit in a rice tent and feel what it was like, and not flee its reality by asking God to blow me away with some on-the-spot transcendence.
Codependency....describes an array of behaviors and choices that are formed as strategies to survived ysfunctional family systems and are a direct result of trauma and abuse. The first cases were identified among spouses and family members of substance abusers who had become enmeshed with the addicts they were caring for and were driving themselves crazy trying to control the addicts behavior--make them change, clean up, whatever. The definition has expanded to include anyone who tries to control the behavior of others (or themselves) as a coping mechanism to medicate loneliness, that hole in the soul left behind in the aftermath of abuse--which does not have to be radical, dramatic, big-time abuse. Codependence can be a hard concept to grasp because it's so broad, so looking at its core symptoms is useful. According to...a nurse and recovering codependent who has written extensively on the subject, codependents have difficulty
1. experiencing appropriate levels of self-esteem
2. setting functional boundaries
3. owning and expressing their own reality
4. taking care of their adult needs and wants
5. experiencing their reality moderately
We tried to process together every night as a way to release the emotions that surfaced during our time in the field. It is immportant to name our feelings, out them, and release them before they have a chance to become toxic to our bodies and our souls. So many aid workser (and others in helping professions, such as nurses) anesthetize themselves at the end of the day with alcohol, cigarettes, food, or even drugs to numb the effects of what they've witnessed. To often, gifted, compassionate people burn out. Seane and I encouraged the humanitarian and aid staff to join us to talk honestly about what we had been seeing and feeling, even if those thoughts were not exactly politically correct...We would listen without judgment in a room filled with candles and friends. We considered how we could overcome the anger, revulsion, guilt, and fear that we weren't doing enough and carry on with greater love.
Our staff members were so used to stuffing down their emotions that this process was alien, even frightening to some of them...For myself, I have made it mandatory. Feelings are not facts, and in order to endure in this work, not burn out or give up or just stay home on the farm, I need to express my feelings, even the crazy ones. I need the support of others as I do so, to know I am not alone in my internal struggles. And I certainly need spiritual tools to go the distance and stay present in the work, when it is so tempting and easy to become hopeless, apathetic, cynical...
A few things of which to be conscious during an upcoming trip to Africa, a return to the Congo:
-Expectations are premeditated resentments.
-Live life on life's terms. Be a woman among women, one among many.
-Do the next, good, right, honest thing. Keep it simple. I am responsible for the stitch, not the whole pattern. Turn the outcome over to God.
-Ask for help. Write [a letter.] Pray. Cry. Get on the yoga mat. Journal. read the 104th psalm...
My prayer was answered, and I remembered that God lives in the space between people, in relationships, is acted out through our interdependence. God had always been with me.
I remember what I believe: God is love, and when I love, God is with me; and, in order to love, I have to have someone to love. And that someone, well, maybe that someone is you...
Codependency....describes an array of behaviors and choices that are formed as strategies to survived ysfunctional family systems and are a direct result of trauma and abuse. The first cases were identified among spouses and family members of substance abusers who had become enmeshed with the addicts they were caring for and were driving themselves crazy trying to control the addicts behavior--make them change, clean up, whatever. The definition has expanded to include anyone who tries to control the behavior of others (or themselves) as a coping mechanism to medicate loneliness, that hole in the soul left behind in the aftermath of abuse--which does not have to be radical, dramatic, big-time abuse. Codependence can be a hard concept to grasp because it's so broad, so looking at its core symptoms is useful. According to...a nurse and recovering codependent who has written extensively on the subject, codependents have difficulty
1. experiencing appropriate levels of self-esteem
2. setting functional boundaries
3. owning and expressing their own reality
4. taking care of their adult needs and wants
5. experiencing their reality moderately
We tried to process together every night as a way to release the emotions that surfaced during our time in the field. It is immportant to name our feelings, out them, and release them before they have a chance to become toxic to our bodies and our souls. So many aid workser (and others in helping professions, such as nurses) anesthetize themselves at the end of the day with alcohol, cigarettes, food, or even drugs to numb the effects of what they've witnessed. To often, gifted, compassionate people burn out. Seane and I encouraged the humanitarian and aid staff to join us to talk honestly about what we had been seeing and feeling, even if those thoughts were not exactly politically correct...We would listen without judgment in a room filled with candles and friends. We considered how we could overcome the anger, revulsion, guilt, and fear that we weren't doing enough and carry on with greater love.
Our staff members were so used to stuffing down their emotions that this process was alien, even frightening to some of them...For myself, I have made it mandatory. Feelings are not facts, and in order to endure in this work, not burn out or give up or just stay home on the farm, I need to express my feelings, even the crazy ones. I need the support of others as I do so, to know I am not alone in my internal struggles. And I certainly need spiritual tools to go the distance and stay present in the work, when it is so tempting and easy to become hopeless, apathetic, cynical...
A few things of which to be conscious during an upcoming trip to Africa, a return to the Congo:
-Expectations are premeditated resentments.
-Live life on life's terms. Be a woman among women, one among many.
-Do the next, good, right, honest thing. Keep it simple. I am responsible for the stitch, not the whole pattern. Turn the outcome over to God.
-Ask for help. Write [a letter.] Pray. Cry. Get on the yoga mat. Journal. read the 104th psalm...
My prayer was answered, and I remembered that God lives in the space between people, in relationships, is acted out through our interdependence. God had always been with me.
I remember what I believe: God is love, and when I love, God is with me; and, in order to love, I have to have someone to love. And that someone, well, maybe that someone is you...
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
A Vision of Light (Alisyn's 14th century book)
I could not help but answer, "Still, is it not better to love and risk sorrow than to freeze at the heart?"
"Not when sorrow is certain, that I think," he answered.
"The longer you live, the more you'll discover how necessity forces hard choices on us all. It seems to me that goodness doesn not consist of remaining untouched, but of acting honorably under difficult circumstances..."
"Not when sorrow is certain, that I think," he answered.
"The longer you live, the more you'll discover how necessity forces hard choices on us all. It seems to me that goodness doesn not consist of remaining untouched, but of acting honorably under difficult circumstances..."
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
The Family Room Door dilemma
Ok, here are the pictures showing what's going on. This is how the previous owner had the house. Notice large area needed behind couch to get out the back door, and smallish area between couch & fireplace.
This is what the room looks like right now.
This is so you can see the "hallway" amount of carpeting on the far side of the living room--a single glass door to the outside could go at the other end of the "hallway" area.
Here is one door but no windows where the door was. This seems very closed off to me.
Here it is with just one window.
There are window groupings like this in other rooms--dining room and living room both.
And here it is with two windows. Russ doesn't like it this way--he says it makes it a house full of windows, and he's worried about the structural integrity. I pointed out that it's essentially changing the door out for 2 windows and then adding a regular door in the other part of the wall. How close to the windows could we put couches? (The fences in the background aren't really there in the back yard--that's just from copying the windows from other pictures.)
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Saturday, September 1, 2012
Cry, the Beloved Country
Ok I wasn't excited to read this for my first OR bookclub, but it has some beautiful language in it...
...But there is only one thing that has power completely, and that is love. Because when a man loves he seks no power, and therefore he has power. I see only one hope for our country, and that is when white men and black men, desiring neither power nor money, bu desiring only the good of their country, come together to work for it. p71
Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply. Let him not laugh too gladly when the water runs through his fingers, nor stand too silent when the setting sun makes red the veld with fire. Let him not be too moved when the birds of his land are singing, nor give too much of his heart to a mountain or a valley For fear will rob him of all if he gives too much. p111
...I have never thought that a Christian would be free of suffering, umfundisi. For our Lord suffered. And I come to believe that he suffered, not to save us from suffering, but to teach us how to bear suffering. For he knew that there is no life without suffering. p261
...But there is only one thing that has power completely, and that is love. Because when a man loves he seks no power, and therefore he has power. I see only one hope for our country, and that is when white men and black men, desiring neither power nor money, bu desiring only the good of their country, come together to work for it. p71
Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply. Let him not laugh too gladly when the water runs through his fingers, nor stand too silent when the setting sun makes red the veld with fire. Let him not be too moved when the birds of his land are singing, nor give too much of his heart to a mountain or a valley For fear will rob him of all if he gives too much. p111
...I have never thought that a Christian would be free of suffering, umfundisi. For our Lord suffered. And I come to believe that he suffered, not to save us from suffering, but to teach us how to bear suffering. For he knew that there is no life without suffering. p261
Sunday, August 26, 2012
More house pics
Front Door:
from the outside--grapevines with little grapes on those trellises. I am thinking about painting the doors dark green instead of red... Nancy what do you think?
view from inside of the front door.
very strange front door knob. New hardware??
Sunny side yard--this will have to be the garden spot right outside of the dining room windows. Hopefully one day the huge (as it turns out commercial) heating/air unit there on the left will be replaced by something smaller.
Water feature needs some cleaning. I forsee grandchildren one day enjoying their own personal pool...
zero lot line--this is the side of the garage and peeking out from the shrubs you can see the neighbor's fence & bamboo.
The big wall of mirrors were a surprise to me. At the least I think we might put all bookcases in front of them--since we will need bookcases.
Powder room--plenty of wall space for Laila to come recreate a beach!!
Stairs--these are called "floating" stairs. Interesting custom glass--I like it. I don't like the pointy things though. I was brainstorming but can't think of any way to match the wood color if we replace them. (Funny thing is that I don't mind them in the top picture, from a distance, I just don't like them up close and personal.)
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Space above stair landing to hang my quilt again!
Living room---will probably hold the green party couch. The question is will it fit the piano too?
Dining room: The first place that you see that the previous owners have painted some of the oak trim white and yet left other parts wood colored. Should we paint the oak trey ceiling??
The other interesting thing about the dining room is that it is open to the underneath of the stairs. I think we will put a light up in there somehow and some big pillows for a reading nook. Again, a place that the grandkids will enjoy one day. ;)
Family room: Trim painted white in here too, we will have to get Mindy to teach us how to love & use wood fires. Right now we are debating about the built in cabinetry for a tv. If we decide not to have a tv in this room, we will take that out and make a computer desk area instead. Finding places for the computers is an issue. There is the office upstairs but we won't put the computers in there because they need to be in a public place. One possibility Russ has suggested is in the dining room right behind the stairs...
Kitchen: cabinets upon closer inspection are original 31 year old oak. Back to exterior hinges, darn it! But the countertops are beautiful black & gray and the appliances look great too. Except for the leaking dishwasher.
I'm very excited about the big windows in front of the sink--hopefully I can get lots of vitamin D there every day to keep from getting the winter blues.
Pantry is deep...I wonder what is the best way to be able to actually use the space??
Hallway--looking from the opening between the kitchen and family room down towards the master bedroom on the right and the laundry room & door to the garage on the left.
Master bath--I love the blue tiles around the tub (which is decently sized but not really long enough) but not so much on the bathroom counter. I wonder what I can do to love them more on the counter?
And the faucets I'm sure were the height of chic fashion in 1981 but I think they're horrid now. Russ says he thinks they're cool Too bad they're ALL the 3 piece more expensive kind...
Master bedroom & closet--again, some painted white and some left wood. That kind of bugs me but I don't know if I can really do anything about it.
Laundry room--funny story. Remember how Josh told me that he likes the new paint color in BHR so much better than my happy yellow? Well I walked in here with him and said "that wall color will have to be changed" and he immediately said "I LOVE that color, you have to leave it!" I think I will also "granitize" the counter sort of like Ally did hers.
A linen closet--yay! After 10 years without one this is exciting to have 2! They will both probably hold games too.
Upstairs landing--could end up holding the piano if we can't find anywhere else, hopefully instead we will put more book cases up there.
"Office" now renamed sewing room!!--Needs new light (and more light) desperately. Fortunately I know how to change the existing light & I've asked Russ to teach me to put in a new light. This will also be helpful for the kids rooms with no ceiling lights--we will put fans/lights in both of them. (Apologies to Nancy who prefers rooms without ceiling lights!)
The water heater also lives in this room for some odd reason. Maybe one day when we need a new one we'll see about moving it to the garage...
Boy's room--
And closet--with very narrow shelf spaces--not sure what you would put there!
Girl's room with small walk in closet.
Kids jack & jill bathroom. The first order of business will be to put in a 2nd sink and to build a wall with a pocket door between the vanity & the toilet so that more than 1 kid can use the bathroom at a time. Living in the apartment with 4 kids and one bathroom has taught us that again.
I wish we could also partition off the shower but there isn't enough room. Fortunately they usually aren't trying to shower all at the same time...
Back yard--decent for the area. (My how our perspective has changed!) The kids are excited that there is room for the trampoline and are already planning that we will get a hot tub??? (They must know about some money that we don't know about...)
Storage space in attic accessed from garage. A nice amount of floored storage. :)
Wood for fires yet to come. Mindy, help!!!
So there you have it--a short tour. I'm still not sure what I think. A little panicky when I think this could be the house we live in forever. Maybe I should stop thinking about it like that. There are parts I really like and parts I don't like so well. I think it bothers me that we could really get more house for the same money in another ward. I need to remind myself that we're going to enjoy the walking paths, pool, and tennis courts in this neighborhood, and that it will be good for Josh to stay here in this ward.
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